On to the query letters!
The first also happens to be the one that I so boldly (and possibly stupidly) sent out almost two weeks ago to twenty four literary agents. I might owe them apology letters. You guys tell me. I sat down and wrote this, hoping to capture some of my writerly essence in the voice, and then didn't bother to revise much at all.
HEIRS OF
WAR, PROPHECY ORDAINED is the first book of my five book young adult fantasy
series, HEIRS OF WAR. The book is currently at 148,863 words and will stay
there if I can stop editing it. This story is targeted for lovers of both young
adult and epic fantasy, though it has elements of suspense, action, and romance
as well.
When the
prophesized five are born into the most powerful bloodline in all the worlds,
the enemies of Estridia make a devastating strike against the rulers that
forces the five children into hiding. Now, eighteen years later with no idea as
to who they really are or what they are destined to do, they are brought back
to the world of their birth. They must come into their own powers and find a
way to stop the war raging on around them. But when the good guys are proving
to be not so good and the bad guys seem to have the wrong methods but the right
ideas, where does that leave them?
PROPHECY
ORDAINED is the first manuscript I have completed, though the sequel (HEIRS OF
WAR, CROWN OF FIRE) is now also complete. The first and second books have
tested well among beta readers, even those that do not share DNA with me. I am
currently at work on the third installment of the five book series as I
continue to work on revising the first two.
Thank you
for taking the time to read this query. I hope you found it entertaining,
though I hope that you find more enjoyment in the attached manuscript of
PROPHECY ORDAINED.
Sincerely,
Mara
Valderran
Bold? Yes. Brave? Maybe. Stupid? Eh...seven rejections so far, but I'm not sure that necessarily means anything. What are your thoughts?
Now for the new, and somewhat lengthy, draft. This letter is also in rough draft form, but captures the general idea of what I am trying to go for. I'm trying to find a good hook and at the same time do my book some justice. And the fact of the matter is, the magic really doesn't matter all that much at all. Switch out the magic for machine guns and you still have the same story. Anyway, enough explaining!
HEIRS OF
WAR, PROPHECY ORDAINED is not a book about magic. This is the story of the self-fulfilling
prophecy concerning five young women and the weight of the worlds that has been
thrown onto their shoulders.
When the
prophesized five are born into the most powerful bloodline in all the worlds,
the enemies of Estridia make a devastating strike against the rulers that
forces the five children into hiding. Now, eighteen years later with no idea as
to who they really are or what they are destined to do, they are brought back
to the world of their birth. They must come into their own powers and find a
way to stop the war raging on around them. But when the good guys are proving
to be not so good and the bad guys seem to have the wrong methods but the right
ideas, where does that leave them?
Terrena has
lived her life on the run with her Cyneward, the warrior blood bound to protect
her for life. With the enemies close on their heels, she is forced to leave the
life she has built for herself—and the love she had found—behind to return to
the capitol and take her place on the throne.
Isauria has
been dreaming of a magical world ripped apart by the tragedies of a
longstanding war for years, completely unaware that she is psychically linked
to the world she was born in. When horrors visit her in her dreams, her
Cyneward knows it is time to return.
Rhaya is
easy going and carefree. She’s never been burdened by her uncanny ability to
read people. She doesn’t need to use this gift to realize that something odd is
going on around her when strange men start following her and a mysterious young
man seems to know more about her life than she does.
Zelene’s
life belongs in the plot of a Lifetime
movie. Her parents died in a car crash when she was five and she has lived her
formative years bouncing in and out of foster homes, enduring the abuse and
neglect they typically bring. Now about to turn eighteen, her plans to finally
ditch the foster care system and move forward with her life take a gruesome turn
when her current foster home is turned into a macabre nightmare.
Ariana is
the typical teenage girl, apart from her lavender eyes and the birthmark shaped
like a pentacle on her wrist. She has no idea that she is the prophesized fifth
of the most powerful—and magical—of all the worlds. When she decides to disobey
her overly-strict parents and sneak off to the dance, her night takes a
devastating turn that is full of murder, betrayal, and more physical pain than
she could have ever imagined.
HEIRS OF WAR,
PROPHECY ORDAINED is a book that could be marketed as either Young Adult or New
Adult as the characters’ ages range from seventeen to twenty four. It is the
first book of the HEIRS OF WAR series at 148,863 words. The rough draft of the
second book, HEIRS OF WAR, CROWN OF FIRE, is now also complete. This series is
targeted for lovers of both young adult and epic fantasy, though it has
elements of suspense, action, and romance as well.
Thank you
for taking the time to read this query. I hope you found it engaging, though I
hope that you find more enjoyment in the attached manuscript of PROPHECY
ORDAINED.
As soon as I get the full set of rejection letters in (if I get all twenty four I am so laminating them and making a dress in the style of Lady Gaga, then I am going to wear it to my very own rejection party), I plan on starting over again with a new set. I might self publish before the next set of queries just so I can (hopefully) add a line in there about how they are selling. But that only works if they are selling. So do you like option A or option B better? Or neither? Querying minds would like to know!
Query 1 is a bit weak. Go back and read it as if you were the poor soul who had to read dozens of these every day, hoping that you will come across one that is clear and concise. If you sound like you don't have faith in what you do, why should they?
ReplyDeleteQuery 2 is better, but again, go for clear and concise. We don't share DNA, but I am an enthralled beta tester. :)