Friday, September 21, 2012
The Unofficial GUTGAA Small Press Query Hop
Some of us intending to enter the Small Press Pitch Contest are partaking in another blog hop for the purposes of critiquing one another's queries. So here is mine! (By the way, it's also the one I am planning on sending out to an agent if I can cut it back a bit. With my personalized "Why I chose you" paragraph it runs at 416 words!)
Edit with completely brand spanking new version that puts Zelene--who is really the hero of the story so far--in the limelight a lot more. Trying to incorporate all of the critiques I have gotten so far. You guys are more amazing than I can say (and for a writer who loves her words that is something, isn't it?) and I would be completely lost at this without you guys! Thank you and keep the critiques coming!
Dear Small Press Goddess,
Prophecies are no different from horoscopes in the back of Cosmo, as Zelene would say. She likes to remind people that Y2K came and went without the world ending, and, yes, the world will continue to spin after the Mayan calendar ends. She does not realize she is part of an ancient prophesy of five girls born into a powerful bloodline that would bring about the end of a generations-long power struggle among worlds. She is not even aware of worlds beyond this one.
Zelene learns of the destiny the prophecy demands of her and the family she was separated from as an infant when she is ripped from the world she has known her whole life and dragged back to the one of her birth. She is reunited one by one with the other three girls but she finds that the twin sister she has never met is notably absent. Ariana has been captured by enemies intent on sacrificing her in order to gain her powers and Zelene can’t help but shudder at how easily she could have ended up in Ariana’s shoes. When she questions the lack of rescue efforts, she receives what she refers to as a verbal pat on the head from the elders. They tell her to focus on learning the ways of their world and how to tap into her own magic, but Zelene has never been the best at doing what she is told.
Zelene realizes what is at stake. She knows that without Ariana as the fifth, the foretold peace and healing of the worlds cannot come to pass, and the war will spill over into the world she has known as home. She knows she has to find a way to ignite the power locked within herself to save Ariana, or she risks leaving the fates of millions to a vague prophecy and the arcane politics that brought about the war in the first place.
HEIRS OF WAR is an adult [or new adult depending who I am querying] fantasy novel complete at 146k that has elements of political intrigue, action, and romance comparable to the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind.
Dear Small Press Goddess,
Prophecies are overrated. Ariana thinks that they are no different than the horoscopes in the back of Cosmo. She doesn’t realize that the pentacle-shaped birthmark on her wrist marks her as the foretold fifth daughter of the most powerful bloodline in all the worlds and the key to an ancient prophecy.
Ariana leads a normal life for a girl on the cusp of adulthood; ignorant of the sisters she has been separated from since birth. She has never even crossed paths with her twin sister Zelene. Zelene is quite the opposite of Ariana with a life that sounds like the most tragic of Lifetime movies. The twins know nothing of Estridia, the world of their birth, or the war that has been raging on for generations that they are destined to end. But they are about to find out.
Ariana is captured by enemies that intend to sacrifice her in order to gain her power and destroy the caste system the worlds follow. Zelene returns to Estridia where a loving family welcomes her and she is reunited with the three other girls of her generation. Together they make up the prophesized five but without Ariana as the fifth they are doomed to fail, leaving the worlds to be ripped apart by war. Thrown into an unfamiliar world full of magical races of people and politics they don't understand, they must find a way to ignite the powers within them and decide whether or not to rescue their missing sister on their own or leave it all to fate and vague prophecies. But when they find that the good guys are proving to be not so good and the bad guys seem to have the wrong methods but the right ideas, where does that leave them?
HEIRS OF WAR is an adult fantasy novel at 146k that has elements of political intrigue, suspense, action, and romance comparable to the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind.