The Writerly Chopping Block (AKA: Editing)

For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you probably already know that I am doing some serious edits on Heirs of War right now. I have been lucky enough to get some great advice from a published author who has taken a bit of interest in the book. One of my biggest issues: POV switches. What does that mean? Well, I like to switch between different characters' perspectives.

In the same scene.

I was calling it third person omniscient, but you might have also heard it referred to as the head-bounce. This term is probably a bit more accurate. Omniscient is a breeze to write in for me. I, obviously, know what is going on in each of my characters' heads, whether major or minor characters. That's the beauty of being the god of this little fictional world I've created (and getting to smite people, but that's for a later blog).

As it turns out, writing in third person limited is much less confusing for the readers. Let that be Lesson Number One for you. Hopefully before you start writing your book because I will say that trying to fix that is a bitch and a half.

Another piece of advice I was given--and have been given frequently--was to cut back on how many characters' perspectives I write from. With five girls in the prophecy, I write from all five of their perspectives. And some other characters as well because they have important roles or because the scene just makes more sense when viewed from their eyes.

And this is where I am having the problem...I tried cutting two of the girls out tonight. Not even looking at the other scenes written from other characters' perspectives. Just focusing on the five main characters and how I can narrow that down for this book. And I can't.

You might be saying "Can't? Or Won't?" Well, to be honest, it's a little of both. Theoretically I could cut Terrena and Isauria's stories completely from this book and the book as a whole would make sense. But this is the trouble with writing a series. What I cut from this book messes up the next one. I know people say that you can fix that, but I honestly have no idea how. I would have to do flashbacks for Terrena. And for Isauria, there would just be no connection to her character whatsoever and she plays a much bigger role in book 2. So essentially I would be waiting to introduce one of my main characters until the second book.

Which leads me to this question: How much do you compromise your story when trying to make it marketable? I've said this before and I will say it again loudly: My goal is not to become a famous or successful published author. My goal has been and will always be to share the story of these five girls that have grown so close to my heart with other people. Why publish at all? Because I do have some business sense and this is actual work that I am doing.

That being said, I really don't want to be one of those authors that refuses to compromise anything because they think they already have the best thing since sliced bread. I like to think of myself as pretty open-minded and willing to accept criticisms. But what do I do if I feel like cutting those POVs entirely makes my book less-than? Do I compromise? Because I know the advice makes complete and absolute sense. One of the biggest complaints my beta-readers all had was that there were too many characters and it was hard to keep up with them all. Will ceasing the head-bouncing help this a little? Probably. Would limiting the story to only Zelene, Ariana, and Rhaya's perspectives help even more? Hell yes.

But would it be the same story? That, my friends, I am not so sure about.

I suppose that answer is for another day, though. Until then, I am going to keep the girls in and use a header for each POV change to see if that helps clear confusion. Wish me luck!

The Haunted Writing Clinic: The Query

Dun-dun-dunnnn!

I decided to add yet another exciting October writerly activity to the list! Sharon Bayliss is hosting the Haunted Writing Clinic and Contest by Curiosity Quills. As a Minion (I really want a t-shirt that says "Minion" now), it is my duty to post my query for all to see today in the hopes of getting some feedback from the Super Villains and other minions. If you haven't joined up, I would highly recommend it. Week 1 is queries, Week 2 is all about first pages, Week 3 the Super Villains (who are already published authors) pick Minions to mentor, and then on the 31st we submit to the 3 Curiosity Quills editors for their viewing pleasure. Lots of fun!

And now that you know all about the Writing Clinic, it is time for me to participate! Here is my shiny new query, just waiting for the glorious cleaver of Robin Weeks (check out where she sliced and diced my old version--she's a genius and a huge help!) or maybe a new blade will step up to the plate. I've learned a great deal from GUTGAA (which I will save for another blog), but I always feel like there's more to learn. In short: Don't hold back!

UPDATE:

Taking all of your wonderful comments into account (Best. Feedback. Ever!) I have revised. Here is the new draft. I'll leave the old one below so new visitors can see.

NEW DRAFT:

Zelene scoffs at the horoscopes in the back of Cosmo. Predictions about your love life are almost as ridiculous as the idea that she is part of an ancient prophecy that foretells five girls bringing about the end of a generations-long power struggle among the worlds.

Almost.

When assassins use magic to try to kill her, she is forced to change her tone. She is taken to Estridia by Varrick, her “cool uncle” that is really a warrior blood bound to her for life. For every answer he gives her, she is only left with more questions. Like how did he hide the fact that she has a twin sister from her? And where is she?

The answers leave her shaken. Her twin Ariana has been captured by the rebel Cahirans. They intend on killing the four girls and then sacrificing Ariana in a ritual meant to steal her power. Safe in Estridia, Zelene is told to focus on her training and let the elders worry about Ariana. But Zelene has never been the best at doing what she is told.

She finds herself torn between her need to save the sister she has never known and her longing to return to the simple life she never appreciated before now. But how is she supposed to go against an army of Cahirans when she finds that her ability to manipulate the elements is still locked within her? And can she really trust the elders to rescue Ariana when it seems their medieval politics are what brought about the war in the first place? With all that is at stake, the answer becomes clear to Zelene.

Screw the worlds. She’s getting her sister back.

 

OLD DRAFT
Dearest Person Reading This,

Zelene scoffs at the horoscopes in the back of Cosmo and would call you crazy if you told her that she is part of an ancient prophecy that foretells five girls bringing about the end of a generations-long power struggle among the worlds. The idea of other dimensions layered on top of the world she lives in is almost as ludicrous as the idea that she might be able to save them.

She changes her tone when her foster-home is turned into a nightmare she barely escapes. She is whisked away by Varrick, the warrior blood bound to her for life, and taken to Estridia, the world of her birth. For every answer he gives her, she is only left with more questions. The prophecy speaks of five girls and three of these girls come in the form of an older sister and two cousins that Zelene is reunited with, leaving her wondering just who this fifth girl is and where she might be.

The answers leave her shaken. Ariana, the fifth, is Zelene’s twin sister and has been captured by the Cahirans, the enemies of Estridia that intend on sacrificing Ariana in order to gain her power. Unfortunately for them, the four other girls need to be dead for the ritual to work. Safe in Estridia, Zelene is told to focus on her training and let the elders worry about Ariana. But Zelene has never been the best at doing what she is told.

She finds herself torn between her need to save the sister she has never known and her longing to return to the simple life she never appreciated before now. But how is she supposed to go against an army of Cahirans when she finds that her ability to manipulate the elements is still locked within her? And can she really trust the elders to rescue Ariana when it seems their medieval politics are what brought about the war in the first place? With all that is at stake, the answer becomes clear to Zelene.
 
Screw the worlds. She’s getting her sister back.

HEIRS OF WAR is an Adult (or New Adult depending on who I am submitting to) Epic Fantasy at 137k that will appeal to readers of the Game of Thrones series by George RR Martin and The Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. With five main characters aged between 18-24, HEIRS OF WAR also has cross over appeal for young adult audiences and potential to be a five-book series.

Here's hoping,

Mara Valderran

Okay, my intro and outro might be a bit tongue-in-cheek but you get the drift. Before I leave it in your hands, let me address a few of the common problems people point out and get stuck on with my queries:

1. My word count is really high for a new author. You know this, I know this, and I've done my damndest to cut it (I shaved 12k off in the past two weeks! Yay!). Is it a roadblock for me? Sure. But it's one I am painfully aware of. 
2. My query is too long. After seeing my WC are you surprised? Yeah, I wasn't either. I like my words. This point, by all means get stuck on. I've tried condensing and cutting but that seems to make it too confusing. Condensing and being sparse with my words is obviously not a strong point for me as a writer. See how long this paragraph is already? Geez.
3. What kind of power/magic they have. I've tried to answer this with the whole "manipulating the elements" thing, but short of explaining their whole magic system I'm not sure I could make it any clearer than: A) They can control the elements a la Captain Planet; and B) These girls are much more powerful than anyone else. If those two points aren't clear, I really need to know. 

That's pretty much it for my preemptive...well, whatever this was. Now that I've said all of that, please note: I don't think my query is perfect and I give you leave to tear it apart in whatever way you can in the hopes of making it better. I just wanted to cover some points of confusion I've run into a few times.

Writerly Lessons: What I Learned This Week

As I mentioned in my other blog post, I attended WriteOnCon for the first time this past week. I have also had a really eventful non-writerly week as life is taking off in full force the week before classes begin again. So I will be brief so that I can get some time in to actually write today. Stay tuned for the end for a special little announcement!

Lessons I Learned This Week: