Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Haunted Writing Clinic Battle Begins!

The battle for minions is about to begin! And I kneel before the evilness of the Super-Villains and offer up my plea to them!

Okay, not really since I am really, really sick and in bed. But the imagery was great in my head. Hands thrown up in the air and desperate cries for them to take me under their inky wings...

Did I mention I'm sick and might have a fever? That being said, I'm attempting to do this while not quite myself so if you guys see any typos or sentences that end up reading "Mara likey ice cream" then please, let me know so I can fix it before the Super Villains drop by.

Here is the revised query:

Dear Evil-Genius-Master-Minds,

Zelene doesn't believe in magic or prophecies. When she's told that she is part of the prophecy that foretells five powerful girls bringing peace to the war-torn worlds, she scoffs. The idea of other dimensions layered on top of the world she lives in is almost as ludicrous as the idea that she might be able to save them.

Yet, she can't argue with what her own eyes have seen. Strange men had tried to kill her using magic and now she finds herself in a new world. Varrick, the warrior blood-bound to her for life, brings her before the elders of her homeworld. For every explanation they give her she is left with more questions. And the burning desire to take the crown she supposedly inherited and shove it somewhere Varrick wouldn’t appreciate. When she learns that her long-lost twin Ariana has been captured by the rebels, Zelene’s tantrums are brought to a halt.

She finds herself torn between her need to save the sister she has never known and her longing to run away from the responsibilities thrust on her young shoulders. She’s not sure how she is supposed to go against an army of magic-wielding rebels when she finds that her ability to manipulate the elements is still locked within her. But she doesn’t think she can really trust the elders to rescue Ariana when it seems their medieval politics are what brought about the war in the first place. With all that is at stake, the answer becomes clear to Zelene.

Screw the worlds. She’s getting her sister back.

HEIRS OF WAR is an Adult Epic Fantasy at 137k with series potential that will appeal to readers of The Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind.

And now the shiny new first page!

Varrick's eyes narrowed behind his sunglasses as the shoulder of an acne-riddled football player bumped into him. He turned his head ever so slightly as the boy began to protest. His hormonal outrage quickly shifted into a sort of strangled cry in his throat as he looked up at Varrick's broad shoulders and muscular build. His eyebrow lifted over the line of his dark shades and that was enough to send the boy scurrying. If he had lowered his sunglasses, the kid would have probably wet himself.

His normally blue eyes were now jet-black, a signal that his ward was scared. Fortunately for him, Ariana was only scared of getting caught at the moment. He scanned the area to assess where she might be. At this hour, the football stadium was littered with kids. A group of girls were running on the track that encircled the grass of the stadium, ponytails bouncing as they chatted with one another over the sounds of the marching band practicing not too far away. When he noticed the cheerleaders edging the track, he knew where she would be and marched over.

Sure enough, directly in front of them in the stands stood Ariana with camera in hand. She was wearing a dark blazer over a cream top, giving the same curtaining affect her jet black hair lent to the light skin of her face. She noticed him and lowered the camera, revealing a scowl. She sat down on the stands, digging around in her bag for another roll of film as he walked across the bleachers to stand before her. He felt the fear that had allowed him to track her fade, predictably shifting to anger. He glanced to the sky as if to ask for aid in dealing with the teenager and the temper she had inherited from her true mother.

"How'd you find me?" she asked briskly.
Varrick couldn't help but let out a gruff laugh. "You're the only kidI know that sneaks out of the house to come back to school after hours." 
He didnt bother to add that her fear of getting caught sneaking out served as a sort of honing beacon for him, allowing him to track her as long as they were on the same world. Ariana's goody-two-shoes nature had caused more than a few false alarms in her teenage years as she began to rebel. Her twin sister, on the other hand, was on the opposite end of the spectrum. Zelene was too brave for her own good, rarely feeling real fear even when she was actually in trouble.
Needless to say, being Cyneward to the twins was a bigger job than he had imagined when the warrior took the blood-oath that would bind him to the girls as their protector for life.

"Well," she said as she zipped her camera bag closed with a little too much force, "maybe I wouldn't have to sneak out if my freak show parents would loosen the reins just a bit."
"I understand that you're mad at them—“
Her deep set lavender eyes snapped up to his. "They told you? Good. Now maybe you'll understand why I hate them so much."
He sighed, suppressing a groan as he took a seat on the stands beside her. He pulled off his sunglasses, revealing a set of laugh-line framed eyes that were both impatient and understanding at the same time. "Look, Ariana—“
"No," she interrupted, "you look! I have worked my butt off for the past four years so that I could get into a good college. A really good college, Varrick. Like NYU or UCLA. And now they aren't even going to let me apply! How unfair is that! I'm getting ready to turn eighteen and they think they can rule my life once I'm an adult! I hate them!"
He placed a calming hand on her shoulder. "No, you don't." 


  1. Oh, I'm so sorry you're sick fellow Darkling :(
    If I could give you ice cream I would (it always makes me feel better too). But since I can't, I'm Tagging you, which means you have to do MORE work. Go read all about it on my blog.